If you have made the decision to come to counselling or therapy, you probably know that there are things you need to talk about. Knowing how to articulate those things, where to begin, or how to convey complicated experiences and feelings can feel really overwhelming, especially in your first session. For some clients, the first session feels like a release, and words pour out as months, years or sometimes a lifetime of feelings finally have a space to be shared. For other clients, the words can’t be found. Maybe they feel like the weight of what has happened is too much to put into a few sentences to a stranger. Sometimes the thought of finally talking about things that have been unspoken can by truly terrifying, because what will happen when those feelings and thoughts are out in the world? All of these experiences and anything in-between are common and understandable. So where do you begin?
Therapy and counselling can come in many different forms. Each will have its own model and structure of working. For some, the first session will be a more formal assessment with directed questions which aim to uncover more about your background, what has led up to this point, and what the goals of therapy may be. Other models, such as person-centred counselling can have a more informal approach, where the client is in control of how the session unfolds and what they would like to bring. Either way, your therapist or counsellor has one main aim for that first session; to build trust.
In person-centred counselling the therapeutic relationship underpins everything that will happen in therapy, and as a client, you need to feel safe, accepted and heard in that first session. You can set the pace, share what feels appropriate and take time to allow the trust to build between you and your counsellor. I allow information from the client to unfold naturally, and allow them to choose where they would like to begin. If this feels uncomfortable for the client, then thinking about how it actually feels to be in the counselling session can be a good place to start. Often a client will have a complex history of experience, but that may feel too much as starting point, so beginning with the ‘here and now’- how are you being impacted in your life currently – can also be a useful way to ease into what a client has been experiencing. Similarly, thinking about what a client would like to be different can also help to uncover what some of the current issues or hurdles are in their life currently.
Crucially, remember that there is no ‘right answer’ to how a session should go, no expectation of how much will be shared, no judgement of how a client presents or behaves. One session is not going to ‘fix’ a problem, or provide all the answers, but if at the end of the session you walk out feeling like you were listened to without judgement, received an empathic response to what you shared and feel comfortable with the idea of returning again to continue building on what you started, then that is a successful session.
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