Feeding your baby is one of the most fundamental and emotionally loaded parts of becoming a parent. Whether you choose to breastfeed, bottle feed, or use a combination of both, the experience can be joyful, confusing, exhausting, and – at times – overwhelming.
As a person-centred counsellor specialising in parenthood and parental mental health, I believe that how we feed our babies should never come at the cost of our emotional wellbeing. And yet, so often, that’s exactly what happens.
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This blog explores the emotional complexities of infant feeding, the importance of judgement-free support, and why prioritising the parent’s mental health is key to a healthy start for both baby and caregiver.
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The Pressure to “Get It Right”
From the moment a baby arrives – sometimes even before – parents are bombarded with messages about the “right” way to feed. Breast is best. Fed is best. Exclusive breastfeeding for six months. Combination feeding. Responsive bottle feeding. Don’t introduce a bottle too early. Don’t leave it too late.
It’s no wonder that so many new parents feel confused, pressured, and judged – even by themselves. Social media, healthcare appointments, antenatal classes and even well-meaning family members can unintentionally reinforce the belief that there is a single “correct” way to nourish a baby.
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This pressure can be particularly intense for breastfeeding parents, who may be battling with latch issues, pain, low supply, sleep deprivation, and a general lack of support. When breastfeeding doesn’t go to plan, it can lead to feelings of guilt, grief, shame and failure.
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Breastfeeding and Mental Health
Breastfeeding has many benefits – there’s no doubt about that. But what often gets left out of the conversation is how it intersects with mental health. A parent who is struggling with postnatal depression, anxiety, trauma, or birth-related PTSD may find breastfeeding more emotionally and physically demanding. For some, breastfeeding becomes a trigger for intrusive thoughts, panic attacks or deep feelings of inadequacy.
Even those without a diagnosed mental health issue may feel trapped, isolated, or resentful during feeds, especially during long nights or cluster feeding sessions. When their experiences don't match the idyllic, bonding moments shown in books and online, it can leave parents feeling like they’re failing.
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As a counsellor, I work with parents to create space for these emotions. You’re not a bad parent if you don’t love every moment of feeding. You’re not broken if breastfeeding is hard. And you’re not alone.
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The Importance of Informed, Non-Judgemental Support
Every parent deserves access to accurate, evidence-based information and support that puts their wellbeing at the centre. That might mean helping a breastfeeding parent navigate latch issues, understand supply and demand, or find local peer support. It might also mean supporting a parent who is choosing to stop breastfeeding – and helping them process that decision without shame.
The most important thing is that feeding support meets the parent where they are, not where others think they should be. In my counselling practice, that means listening deeply, without judgement or agenda. Whether you’re breastfeeding, expressing, combi-feeding, or formula feeding, your feelings matter.
Feeding Challenges Can Stir Up Old Wounds
Feeding a baby – especially through your body – can bring up deep, unexpected emotions. For some, it may stir up past trauma, body image struggles, or complicated relationships with food and autonomy. For others, it can be a reminder of how unsupported they felt during pregnancy or birth.
Counselling offers a safe space to gently explore these feelings, helping parents understand how their past may be influencing their present experience. This awareness can lead to greater self-compassion and a more empowered feeding journey – whatever that looks like.
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Dads, Non-Birthing Partners and Bottle-Feeding Parents Need Support Too
It’s easy to assume that infant feeding support is only for breastfeeding mothers. But all parents can feel the weight of feeding decisions. Non-birthing partners may feel helpless, excluded, or uncertain about how best to support. Bottle-feeding parents may feel judged or isolated, particularly in groups where breastfeeding is seen as the norm.
Support should be inclusive, respectful and parent-centred – recognising that every feeding journey is valid, and every parent deserves care.
You Are Not Alone
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by infant feeding, know this: you are not alone. It’s OK to grieve the feeding journey you hoped for. It’s OK to change your mind. It’s OK to need help.
Whether you're looking for emotional support, space to talk, or help processing a difficult start to parenting, counselling can offer a warm, confidential place to be heard. You don’t have to carry this alone.