Receiving an Adult Diagnosis of Autism or ADHD
- Katy Hoole
- Jan 8
- 3 min read
“I Always Knew I Was Different”: Understanding Adult Autism and ADHD Diagnosis
“I always knew I was different”. This is the phrase that many clients use when they come to therapy to talk about an adult diagnosis of Autism or ADHD. That feeling of difference often comes with feelings of loneliness, isolation, being misunderstood or misinterpreted, and sometimes a lot of anger.
Growing up being neurodivergent but without the language to understand it can leave a complicated legacy. It is like looking back on your whole life through a completely new set of lenses; lenses that cast events and relationships in a different light and raise questions about how things could have been different if only you had known.
Growing Up Neurodivergent Without Recognition
Whilst screening and diagnosis for ADHD and Autism is now common for children and young people, and the indicators are more widely known and shared, 20 or 30 years ago it was a different story.
Many children will have grown up struggling in school, experiencing anxiety or finding it harder to build and maintain relationships, but no one recognised that the ‘fidgety’ child, or the ‘naughty child’ or the ‘withdrawn child’ was neurodivergent and with some support and understanding could have had a totally different experience.
These children are now adults; successful adults who have jobs and relationships, but who have now been diagnosed with Autism or ADHD. The reaction to an adult diagnosis is entirely personal, ranging from relief to resistance, to anger and grief, and often a mix of all of these.
Re-Examining the Past Through a New Lens
For some, it can be overwhelming to reconsider their whole lives with this new understanding. Incidents from childhood, or work or relationships now take on greater significance as they are re-examined in this new light.
For example, a child with ADHD may have taken on the story that they were ‘naughty’ or ‘thick’ because they found it harder to sit still and concentrate at school or became so overwhelmed by tasks that it felt impossible to even begin.
This is often a story about themselves that they carry through life, so to now realise that they were none of these things, simply a child struggling to fit within a system that didn’t understand or support them, can give rise to complicated emotions that need some time and space to be processed.
It can also be common to feel let down by caregivers who didn’t recognise the struggle or noticed it and did nothing about it.
Resistance, Doubt, and the Fear of “Making Excuses”
There can also be a resistance to the diagnosis, centred around a feeling that it makes excuses for behaviours that up until now they have believed were faults or deliberate choices.
The popular awareness around neurodivergence in the media can make it feel like ‘everyone’ is being diagnosed, but this takes away from the individual stories of adults who have battled their whole lives without the support or knowledge that could have helped them make sense of who they are and how they interact in the world.
Why a Diagnosis Is Not a “Fix”
Often, clients will come to therapy for reasons other than possible or diagnosed neurodivergence, but once that diagnosis is realised, they can sometimes feel like they have the ‘answer’ now and so expect to automatically feel better about everything.
However, the diagnosis does not take away the life you have lived, the distress you have experienced, and it does not minimise the struggles you have had to go through. Yes, the diagnosis might shine a light on why you may have had some of these experiences, but you still deserve the time and space to process the impact that this has had on you.
The diagnosis does not excuse or explain every choice, every interaction or every behaviour, and neither does it excuse others for mistreating, misunderstanding or hurting you.
Adjustment, Acceptance, and Support
For some people, the diagnosis is freeing, especially if it opens access to medications that can help everyday functioning. For others, it takes more time to adjust and process, and to work through complicated emotions that arise from this new information and understanding.
Accessing an Adult Autism or ADHD Diagnosis
If you are interested in accessing an adult diagnosis for Autism or ADHD then you can use the ‘Right to Choose’ system, where NHS funded assessments are conducted by certain registered private providers.
Some providers offer a combined assessment for both, and it is also worthwhile checking which providers also supply medication, otherwise a lengthy wait for the NHS to provide medication can result.
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