Am I feeling ‘bad enough’ to need therapy?

The Common Misconception About Who Therapy Is For

It can be easy to assume that those who seek therapy are the people who are really struggling. The people who find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, those who are so anxious that they cannot carry out day to day tasks or people who have experienced a shocking or traumatic life event. And yes, therapy can be helpful for all of those scenarios. 

However, these are not the only people that therapy can be suitable or effective for.

When You’re “Fine” on Paper but Not at Ease Inside

There are many people who are ‘fine’. They have stable jobs, friends, look after their health and wellbeing, care for family members and ‘on paper’ are doing great. But sometimes, those who seem to be happy and coping, are actually working hard to be functional. They channel anxiety into a busy social schedule or hectic career, they fight feelings of depression by locking them away into a mental box and distracting themselves by caring for others, and they tell themselves ‘I’m not feeling ‘bad enough’ to look for help, I should just be able to get on with it, there are people far worse off than me out there.’ 

How Coping Strategies Can Become Your Normal

This strategy can be effective; so effective, that after a while, the person becomes accustomed to a low-level anxious tension that sits in the jaw, or they no longer question why their weekend is so busy that they enter the new week feeling exhausted.

Why “I’m Not Bad Enough for Help” Can Hold You Back

This way of living becomes ‘normal’. The narrative that they ‘should’ feel OK, that they are ‘functioning’ adequately, or that they don’t ‘deserve’ to feel low, or sad or scared is soon a mantra that over time builds a wall up that not only aims to keep the bad feelings away, but also forces the bad feelings to divert to other outlets- physical pain, numbness of emotion, tears at unexpected times, a short temper. The body finds ways to express the struggle even if on the surface that person is a picture of calm and coping. 

You Don’t Need a Crisis to Go to Therapy

These are also the people that therapy is for. It doesn’t need to be a crisis, or even a particular event that requires support. Sometimes it’s simply having someone else there alongside you, as you notice, stay with, and begin to explore some of the emotions that the mantra has kept at bay for a long time. And that can be scary to do; there’s good reasons why you have employed the strategies you have, to avoid, ignore or distract from the emotions.

What Therapy Can Offer Beyond Crisis Support

Facing and experiencing these feelings alone can feel overwhelming, but that is why therapy is so useful; you don’t have to be alone as you do it. 

Listening to What Your Body Is Telling You

If you recognise yourself in the descriptions above, then take a moment to tune into your body. Is there a tension there that you have become so used to that you barely notice it anymore? Do you feel a fluttering in your stomach whenever you find yourself alone with nothing to do? Listen to your body, it is trying to tell you something about what you need.

Letting Go of the “Not Struggling Enough” Narrative

You don’t have to meet a threshold of struggle before you deserve some help; a lot of the time, you won’t realise you have been struggling until you stop and create some space to wonder about it.